


What They're Worth

by yellow_craion



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Biphobia, Bruises, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fantastic Racism, Homophobia, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Victim Blaming, M/M, Men Crying, Past Abuse, Past Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt, Physical Abuse, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-26 00:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16208987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellow_craion/pseuds/yellow_craion
Summary: It’s been a week since the wedding that didn’t go through and so far, Alec is feeling lighter than ever. He’s out. Completely. Even if he wanted to, there’s no way to go back into the closet. Robert Lightwood isn't pleased.whumptober prompt day 10 - bruisesbad things happen bingo prompt - hiding an injury





	What They're Worth

It’s been a week since the wedding that didn’t go through and so far, Alec is feeling lighter than ever. He’s out. Completely. Even if he wanted to, there’s no way to go back into the closet.

Which he doesn’t. At all.

This is as close to actually happy as he’s ever been and that’s way more than what he’s ever dared to dream.

Life’s good.

Magnus is amazing and just thinking about the warlock is making Alec smile. He’s still trying to figure out why someone like Magnus would give Alec any time of day, but… there he is, welcoming the shadowhunter and… wanting to be with him. Alec’s been to his place a few times in the past week, after work. He always makes sure to shower and change after late patrols, heal up any cuts and bruises…

Well. Not all bruises. He’s not making _that_ mistake again.

So he’s trying not to roll his sleeves up or unbutton his shirt despite the heat. No big deal. At this point there’s no need to worry about getting naked with Magnus, so far they’re just getting to know each other - and Alec is still getting to know himself out of the closet. No rush. And Angels above, he still has trouble believing when Magnus hesitates before touching him. It’s surreal, nobody in his life ever cared so much about his personal space.

Seriously, who was writing about Magnus in the database and put him as “pushy and slutty”?! Alec would love a private moment with that bastard.

Anyway!

Life is good.

So his father is back to his old ways of beating his disappointment and anger out on Alec, telling him how that disaster of a wedding brought nothing but shame on his family.

But he can deal with that. He’s had his whole life to figure that out.

He knows not to heal those bruises, because then it will get worse and his father will tell him to take it like a man, like a shadowhunter.

_Not only is he gay, not only is he infatuated with a damn downworlder, but he can’t even handle a little pain?_

No.

It’s just a matter of figuring out how to explain it to Magnus if and when he asks.

–

Magnus is sad.

He’s also patient.

At first he doesn’t ask about the unhealed bruises. Because they don’t know each other that well. Because Alec doesn’t owe him an explanation, or anything really, period. Because he knows how hard it can be to wrap one’s mind around abuse and speak up.

So he gives Alec time. To work through all the things he has to work though. He gives Alec space to learn about himself in a new context, as a gay man. Openly gay man.

He’s so proud of him and he reminds Alec of that often.

But weeks pass and old bruises fade, new appear. And he still catches Alec with _that_ look, whenever the shadowhunter thinks he’s not paying attention. But he is.

He’s paying attention to the flash of panic when Alec stumbles over words and has a minor panic attack during a light conversation, apologizing and backing away. He’s paying attention when he’s walking on eggshells around Magnus.

Magnus knows the circle. And the signs. Intimately.

None of it makes it any easier to broach the subject with Alec though.

–

“When I was a child and… my step-father understood what… my warlock mark meant,” he starts softly one evening, words slow to leave his lips. “He tried to drown me in the lake.”

He’s staring into the half empty whiskey glass in his hand.

They’ve been sitting quietly for a while, sharing comfortable silence. Sometime in the past hour Alec burrowed into Magnus’ side. Now, Alec shifts, as if to sit up but the warlock pulls him back.

“Stay,” he whispers. “Please. Just… listen, alright?”

Alec hums in agreement. Waiting.

“It’s been four centuries ago and I still,” he chuckles humorlessly. He doesn’t want to dwell on that. He doesn’t want to think about that, but he started this for a reason.

“You didn’t deserve that,” Alec offers into the quiet.

Magnus knows that, logically he knows that but there are still days - nights - when he struggles to actually believe that.

He doesn’t say that though. That’s not the conversation for today.

“You don’t deserve it either.”

His shadowhunter freezes.

“Magnus, no…”

This time Alec does sit up, utterly surprised. “No, you don’t understand,” he’s shaking his head.

“No?” He’s taking extra care to keep his voice gentle. He doesn’t want a confrontation. “Help me understand.”

Alec looks away, hunching forward, elbows on knees. “He’s not trying to kill me, he just…”

“He’s hurting you. On purpose.”

“He’s punishing me,” he clarifies.

“For what?”

Alec whirls around to face Magnus, incredulous. “For outing myself. For being gay, for kissing you, for not being man enough. I’m a shadowhunter, I get hurt on patrols all the time, or in training when I’m not good enough. It’s just bruises, Magnus. If I can’t handle something like that,“ he takes a gulp of breath after throwing all these words out of himself.

“If I can’t,” he starts again. “If I can’t handle a little pain then what good am I?”

Camille’s voice comes back to the warlock at Alec’s confession. _“You’re only good for favors. As soon as they’ve used you up, they will leave you, accept it.”_

“No,” Magnus shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut against the sting of tears. “No, Alec, that’s not true!”

He repeats what Ragnor told him, so many times.

“You’ve done nothing wrong,” he latches onto Alec, willing him to listen better than he himself has. “Nothing! There’s nothing shameful about being gay and you are more of a man than whoever is punishing you for it. There’s no shame in my being bi or a warlock and my step-father was the one in the wrong. _They_ are in the wrong, Alec!”

The shadowhunter is staring at him, shaking his head mutely, but Magnus keeps talking. He can’t stop himself now, and as he’s trying to get through to Alec, he’s also reminding himself what Ragnor told him.

“You’re worth more than the pain you can handle and I’m worth more than all the favors I can give.”

He’s not entirely sure which of them is the first to sob, but then he’s grabbed into a fierce hug and Alec is holding onto him like his life depended on it.

They’re both crying but that’s alright.


End file.
